The following is a selection from the regular advice column published in the The Mockingbird magazine. If you want advice for yourself (or a “friend”), send questions, with a pseudonym, to magazine@mbird.com. All emails will be kept confidential.
Dear Gracie,
When I was in college, I had a friend who died in his sleep at the age of 21. I was away on a semester abroad, and I never really got to process it. Ever since then, I’ve had occasional bouts of sleep anxiety: WHAT IF I DIE IN MY SLEEP?! I hate my brain late at night. And it’s gotten a little worse now that I have dependents. I keep thinking about what might happen to them if I died. Anyway … what can I do to overcome my weird sleep anxiety? I really need every ounce of sleep I can get.
Signed,
Anxious Dad
Dear Anxious Dad,
One morning on the way to carpool last year, my youngest child asked my husband what would happen if we were attacked by a nuclear bomb and my husband answered, “Oh, that would never happen.”
As soon as said child got out of the car I laid into him, “How could you know we won’t get hit by a nuclear bomb?!” And he said, “Well, if we did then we would all be dead. So what’s the point in making her more anxious?”
This is one of the great things about being dead. We generally do not know it’s happening until it’s already happened. I take a tremendous amount of comfort in that fact.
I wish I could tell you that you would never die in your sleep but you totally could. My parents double-died in a car accident. I am one of those people that says “anything is possible,” and I do not mean that I could be president. I mean all of the bad stuff could happen. I have seen it. You have too. And that is why you are afraid.
But here’s what personal experience has taught me: Everyone will be fine when you die. Will they be sad? Of course. Will it dramatically change the course of their lives? Absolutely. But also, they will get through it. Because loss is love by another name. And so is fear, really. Which just goes to show that you truly love your kids.
Also, you have no idea the people and resources that God will put into their lives when they do lose you. It will be completely astonishing. You will not be there to see any of this if you die in your sleep, but rest assured that they will be okay.
But of course, you sound healthy except for this whole waking up anxious thing. Get some cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. Take some melatonin. Not one day is promised. It is all so precious. Rest up.
Signed,
Gracie
COMMENTS
2 responses to “Dear Gracie: What If I Die in My Sleep?!”
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Hi Sarah, Your response to Anxious Dad profoundly affected me as I read your answer. I am now of “that age” when I’ve caught myself wondering the same thing. You are so real and on target and that’s what I’ve loved about knowing you. Your reply will be copied and placed in my favorite place for my family to read.
I think that another component of this not mentioned is to be prepared for when one dies. If one is full of the truth with faith in Christ, they know completely that at the moment of death they will be in His embrace. This should lessen the effects of worrying about death, keeping us up at night, etc. – although as humans we still are inclined to fret about such things. Also trusting that God in His infinite wisdom will comfort and care for those loved ones left behind should ease that fear.