Dearest Adele, Thank you so much for the care package I received today. My nephew has just set me up with a new “boombox” I believe they call it, so I’m all set to listen to that “25” CD (he had to explain to me that your album titles correspond to your various ages at […]
It’s Funny Because It’s True: Death, Resurrection, and Aziz Ansari
It’s been said before that standup comedians are the revered preachers of our day. They’re the ones who tell it like it is, who speak with authority; the ones who aren’t afraid to call us out for our collective wrongs, but who do so with such wit and humor that they somehow cut through our […]
Jesus Didn’t Have a Pen
It struck me last week (not sure how, or why) that Jesus didn’t have a pen. St. Luke apparently had a pen. He had to write prescriptions. Did they have prescriptions back then? Certainly to be the “Dear and Glorious Physician” one would have to have a pen, or a quill, or a facsimile thereof. […]
The God Days of Summer
It’s safe to say that Robert Capon is not a fan of summer. In his hilarious and profound The Youngest Day he writes concerning the season, “‘Nothing too much,’ said the ancient Greeks; and ever since, wise men have called moderation the key to a happy life. Yet summer is immoderate in everything.” He elaborates: It […]
From The New Yorker: Your New Generalized-Anxiety Home-Security System
Some excerpts from Riane Konc’s inspired recent contribution to The New Yorker’s Daily Shout’s column, ht SB: Hello, and thank you for your recent purchase of a Generalized-Anxiety Home-Security System. The Generalized-Anxiety Home-Security System is one of the most popular products on the market, with forty million customers in the United States alone… To get […]
From The Onion: New Parenting Trend Involves Just Handing Children Bulleted List Of Things To Accomplish By 30
An inspiring new report from America’s Finest News Source. Visit here to read the entire thing…
NEW YORK—Several family experts confirmed Friday that the latest parenting trend involves just handing children a bulleted list of things they need to accomplish by the age of 30. “An increasing number of moms and dads are taking a more direct style of parenting that involves simply printing out a list of life achievements, handing it to their child, and telling them to get it all done before they turn 30 years old,” said Parents magazine editor Mallory Schneider, adding that the new technique encourages independence and has a built-in flexibility, as parents can customize their lists according to whatever specific expectations they have for their child. “These lists often span multiple pages and contain a variety of personal and career benchmarks… It really puts the power in the hands of the child—typically around the age of 10 or 11, when they receive the list—by allowing them to figure out how to achieve all the goals in the allotted time.” Experts also confirmed that many parents are giving their children a supplementary list of less-preferred, but still suitable, backup plans should they fail to complete the original set of accomplishments.
The Sunday Scaries: Reclaiming Our Day of Rest
We love to hate our alarms. There you are — peacefully lounging in a meadow, surrounded by friendly grizzly bears munching on grass. And then, just as Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffett finish a rendition of “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere”…BAM! A Soviet-era nuclear submarine surfaces in the middle of the meadow, uprooting trees and sounding […]
Adam Sandler Narrates the #Seculosity of Travel
Hilarious skit from this past weekend’s Saturday Night Live, in which the once and future Bobby Boucher warns us of what a father figure of mine terms “the geographic (non-)solution.” Funny funny funny:
Oh and the Seculosity Tour isn’t over yet! I’ll be in Atlanta this Friday and then Nashville next Saturday. Here are the specifics – hope you can come out:
- May 10, 2019: Atlanta, GA (The Heck’s House 1869 Volberg St NW, Atlanta GA 30318 @ 7:30pm) – No need to RSVP, just show up!
- May 18, 2019: Nashville, TN (Parnassus Books @ 2:00pm)
- May 18, 2019: Nashville, TN (St Bartholomew’s Episcopal Church @ 5:30pm)
P.S. A certain multi-national conglomerate just knocked another 10% off the price, which means you can now get copies at nearly 40% off! No idea how long this will last, just be sure to leave a review when you get a chance. Pretty please?
From The New Yorker
p.s. How’s that for some prime #seculosity?!
Thank God for Mr. Bubz
I now present to you the current top-tier internet dog, a title which has only recently come into contention with the untimely passing of Gabe, the miniature eskimo pup who held our hearts in his tiny paws for many a moon. The newest meme champion is Mr. Bubz; look on his Works, ye Mighty, and despair!
A tiny, ugly, self-important little snot, Mr. Bubz thinks he is significantly more threatening than he actually is, and he constantly grandstands for attention. Alas, even when he tries to be good, he has to let out a little growl to make sure his owners know that he is the boss. He can’t help himself.
The greatest part about Mr. Bubz is how much his family loves him and how his owners refuse to take him seriously. Regardless of Mr. Bubz’ outer demeanor, his parents talk to him in a sweet, high-pitched voice, and they continue to dote upon him even as he lets out some small, pitiful, self-righteous growls. In video after video on his official Instagram page, Mr. Bubz’ family cherishes him in spite of himself.
We’re all just a little bit like Mr. Bubz. Self-aggrandizing, pitiful, and much too self-important for our own good, yet entirely reliant upon the unconditional love of our Father, who dotes upon us even as we pretend like we’re the ones in control. Thank God for Mr. Bubz!
10 Reasons Not to Support Mockingbird on #GivingTuesday (Today)
- You’ve kept all your New Year’s Resolutions – since grade school.
- Your favorite verse in the Bible is “God helps those who help themselves.”
- Your Fortnite handle used to be “PelagiusRulz98” but you changed it to “PhariC4life.”
- The twelve steps you value most are the ones you just logged on your Fitbit.
- Who you are online and who you are in person are identical.
- Your children are even more well-behaved at home than they are in public.
- You’re so secure in your justification that it wouldn’t even occur to you to atone for ransacking that Best Buy on Friday.
- You’re suspicious of all socially conscious hashtags, especially those that seem like the lovechild of Oprah Winfrey and Gavin Belson.
- You haven’t heard that Mockingbird has to close a pretty significant gap before year’s end (what with all the scholarships and free stuff we give away) and could really use your help before we have to cut back.
- You resent reverse psychology, no matter how well-meaning or tongue-in-cheek.
Of course, if you absolutely MUST, you can click on the button below:
P.S. To get our (earnest) end of the year update and appeal, which goes out next week, be sure to sign up for our mailing list.
