I deliver a lecture on God every six-to-eight weeks
to a group of addicts who find themselves in rehab.
The rehab is a house hidden behind a grocery store
in the farthest corner of a strip mall parking lot.
No one is here by accident. I wear my clergy collar —
white plastic stark against black shirt.

I tell my story of that first drink at sixteen that brought
with it that first blackout that felt just like heaven.
My lecture is not a lecture. It is a story about the god
I worshipped, the spirits that promised relief.

That god is only ever ego and death and never enough.
A lecture is about facts and theories. My story is about
a presence and a peace. I found the Most Holy God
hidden under my feet at rock bottom.

When I tell my story I tell my fellow addicts that I hope
their Higher Power has for them nothing but grace.
For nothing but grace can save the damned who
chisle out their own hell with their own bare hands,
who trap themselves with choices they can’t choose
until even nothing left to lose is gone too.

Powerless is a holy place to be I say under fluorescent
halo glow as the barely dry patients sit and some drift
and some shift and some haven’t blinked since I said God.
When my time is up no one asks for my parish address
but one tells me powerless feels more like failure than faith.
He hasn’t yet learned they are the same thing.

Most ignore me to go smoke or journey to the grocery store
to catch a glimpse of the gods in the alcohol aisle that stand
at attention before they buy their trail mix and file home
drenched in divinity to the holy ground back corner rehab.

COMMENTS

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3 responses to “I Deliver a Lecture on God Every Six-to-Eight Weeks”

1. Janell Downing says:

   02/08/2023 at 11:24 am

   The human and Divine collide…most often feeling like failure and death. No small thing indeed. Miraculous. ❤️

   Reply
2. Sheila says:

   02/10/2023 at 9:47 am

   ❤️🙏❤️

   Reply
3. Steven Garnett says:

   02/13/2023 at 6:40 pm

   Thank you. Wonderful poem.

   Reply