Bringing Despair to the Light

I created this world / To feel some control / Destroy it if I want / So I sing / Sahlo Folina

-Twenty One Pilots, “Bandito” and “Overcompensate”

A young man named Clancy is trapped in a cement city called Dema. It’s what he’s always known, but he’s pretty sure it’s not the way things are supposed to be. Then one day he discovers a lush and green land surrounding Dema, and he escapes. The green land is called Trench, and he finds other “Banditos” who have escaped. They rally around him and show him their way of life. But unfortunately, the nine bishops who control Dema find out that he has escaped, and they capture him and bring him back. Nico, the specific bishop who controls Clancy, rides on his pale white horse and hunts him down every time. These bishops practice a religion called Vialism, which teaches that self-destruction is the only way to paradise. They also have a power called “Seizing” that only they can perform — this power allows them to control a dead body, but only for a short amount of time. So Clancy continues living in this dark and demented Dema, dreaming of a day he might find freedom again in Trench. Then one day, Nico is betrayed and killed. This is Clancy’s chance to escape for good. Will he finally find freedom?

The world I just described was created by Tyler Joseph, the singer and songwriter for the band Twenty One Pilots. This storyline has been weaving through most of their albums and music videos. The deep dive into this band’s symbolism and lore seems to have no end, but it is fun to scratch the surface. In preparation for their new album called Clancy coming out in a few days (which will have a music video for every song on the album, by the way), they mercifully released three singles over the past few months (which I have already listened to way more than is probably normal). Alongside the new music, they also released a YouTube video called “I Am Clancy,” explaining the backstory attached to their songs and videos:

Clancy here describes himself as “a citizen, an escapee, and an exception to the rule.” It ends on a hopeful note, one that makes us wonder if he has finally arrived at freedom. We hope that he will never have to return to the controlling cement city of Dema.

Is this world a representation of Tyler Joseph’s own mind? A battle between powers: one telling him to harm himself and the other escaping the cycle and holding on to hope? I believe it is, and to tell you the truth, it is probably a representation of many of our minds.

But the question I have for Joseph is this: What is the purpose of this fictional/allegorical/representative world? To escape from painful reality? If so, why not make your fictional world a little less … painful? Of course, I could ask the same question of any good fantasy writer. C.S. Lewis and JRR Tolkien definitely had their share of suffering going on in their stories. Tolkien writes in his essay, On Fairy Stories, “Most good ‘fairy-stories’ are about the adventures of men in the Perilous Realm or upon its shadowy marches.” He also says that the old fairy tales “open a door on Other Time, and if we pass through, though only for a moment, we stand outside our own time, outside Time itself, maybe.” Entering into another time helps us make sense of our own. In his essay, On Three Ways of Writing for Children, C.S. Lewis expands upon Tolkien’s idea:

According to Tolkien the appeal of the fairy story lies in the fact that man there most fully exercises his function as a ‘sub creator’; not, as they love to say now, making a ‘comment upon life’ but making, so far as possible, a subordinate world of his own. Since, in Tolkien’s view, this is one of man’s proper functions, delight naturally arises whenever it is successfully performed.

And so, along with Lewis and Tolkien, I can see the appeal of creating your own world, and when done well, you and others can get lost in it.

The world that Joseph created has hints of places like Narnia and Middle Earth. For one thing, there is a journey and a desire for adventure, but also a desire for freedom and a “home” in the most ideal sense of the word. As Lord of the Ring’s Frodo and Sam long for the Shire, Clancy longs for a place that is safe and free. Alongside this adventure and longing for home, the broader world features the contrast between an expanding evil and a weak protagonist who tries to overcome it. In this way, Clancy is a bit like Edmund and Lucy or Frodo and Sam, children and hobbits who are the opposite of strong and powerful in their own right. They are not Marvel superheroes with giant muscles, super powers, and confident and clever quips to their enemies. They are weak and scared and pretty ignorant of the big world around them.

And so I wonder, if you are going to create a world in order to “feel some control,” then why make yourself weak? Why be the one who is caught time and again and dragged back to captivity by the bishops? You could have made yourself powerful and independent, the Marvel-type character who can fly or lift cars or be invisible. But there is none of that. There is just a person in need … a need to be rescued from a cycle that he cannot break himself.

Another of the three singles they have pre-released is called Backslide. There is a strange quality about the song that makes my heart swell with hurt, desire, and hope all at the same time. Indeed, many of their songs are a perfect mixture of despair, hope, and humor, just like any good story. This song features the vicious cycle of addiction or pain that seems to just keep coming back relentlessly. The chorus says:

I don’t wanna backslide to where I’ve started from
There’s no chance I will shake this again
‘Cause I feel the pull, water’s over my head
Strength enough for one more time
Reach my hand above the tide
I’ll take anything you have if you could throw me a line
I should’ve loved you better
Do you think that now’s the time
You should let go?
It’s over my head

Who is Joseph singing about here? The reference to “backsliding” suggests a religious context for his questions and confessions. At the risk of over-interpreting lyrics that are intended to be vague, if not mysterious, and open to a number of meanings, it is difficult to resist the conclusion that the object of so many of Joseph’s “you’s” is God. And not just in “Backslide,” but in many other songs. While these addresses could be to his wife, a friend, or even his fans (and those might all be true in a smaller sense), their almost Psalm-like quality suggest he is reaching higher than any mere mortal. Here are just a few examples (and the list could go on):

My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case
But you specialize in dying
You hear me screaming “father”
And I’m lying here just crying,
So wash me with your water”
-“Addict with a Pen”

Shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts
No, you are all that I’ve got, no …
Don’t forget about me
Don’t forget about me
Even when I doubt you
I’m no good without you
-“Doubt”

You know where I’m coming from
Though I am running to you
All I feel is deny, deny, denial
-“Polarize”

For a band that regularly led worship in their local church, it’s not all that much of a reach to say these are confessional songs addressed to a high power. So let’s look back at the lyrics of Backslide with the assumption that “you” is God.

He is feeling that cycle take over again … the one that tries to convince him that “self harm is the only way to paradise,” and he’s scared. He needs rescuing and will take whatever God can throw to him. But then he confesses, “I should’ve loved you better,” and then he gets to the most heart-breaking lyrics of the whole song: “Do you think that now’s the time, You should let go? It’s over my head.” In other words, “God, aren’t you tired of this? Is this the time you should give up on me? I might have strength for one more time, but when it happens again, do you think you should just let go?”

This is not really even a plea for help. It’s beyond that. It’s saying, “God, I’m too far gone. You might as well give up on me.”

This kind of thinking, which leads us to tell God who he should have compassion on, makes me think of Jonah. Jonah had a problem with God forgiving his enemies, and he cries out to God: “I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.” We try to tell God who he should have mercy on, because we think we know when something is beyond help.

But God’s answer is, “I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion” (Ex 33:19), even you, Jonah. And even you, Tyler Joseph. And even you.

There are times when there really is no hope. And those are the exact times when the rescue happens. In Narnia, Aslan is killed on the stone table and comes back to life, bringing an end to the eternal winter. In The Lord of the Rings, there are countless rescues when all seems lost: the eagles swoop in to carry Frodo and Sam from Mount Doom, Gandalf and the Riders of Rohan, and even the walking, talking trees (yes, I know that Ents would be very offended by that description). The point is, when someone “should” have been lost, help arrives. These characters (children, hobbits, and Clancy) are weak. But a good story does not shy away from weakness. These characters are also humble and curious and have loyal friends. And best of all, they rely on a larger power to rescue them (Aslan, Gandalf, Christ).

To return to my original question about the purpose of creating a world of your own with so much pain and darkness in order to escape, it seems contradictory to dwell in a world that has the same problems as real life, but expressed in a creative way. Well, the answer, I believe, is … light. Bringing pain and darkness into the light takes away the hold it has on you. After all, many will “not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God” (Jn 3:20-21). Or in Joseph’s words, “We can take apart our very heart and the light will set us free” (Isle of the Flightless Birds).

The same force that tries to convince Clancy that self-harm is the only way is the same voice that wants Joseph to shut up and stop talking about his struggles. This voice would prefer that he ignore his weakness and instead create a flattering world where he is a strong superhero. It tells him, shove those dark parts of your thoughts back into the dark. Keep those things to yourself. You can handle this alone.

But Joseph knows, he’s in over his head. And no matter what he thinks he should have done or what God should do, God will never let go.