- You’ve kept all your New Year’s Resolutions – since grade school.
- Your favorite verse in the Bible is “God helps those who help themselves.”
- Your Fortnite handle used to be “PelagiusRulz98” but you changed it to “PhariC4life.”
- The twelve steps you value most are the ones you just logged on your Fitbit.
- Who you are online and who you are in person are identical.
- Your children are even more well-behaved at home than they are in public.
- You’re so secure in your justification that it wouldn’t even occur to you to atone for ransacking that Best Buy on Friday.
- You’re suspicious of all socially conscious hashtags, especially those that seem like the lovechild of Oprah Winfrey and Gavin Belson.
- You haven’t heard that Mockingbird has to close a pretty significant gap before year’s end (what with all the scholarships and free stuff we give away) and could really use your help before we have to cut back.
- You resent reverse psychology, no matter how well-meaning or tongue-in-cheek.
Of course, if you absolutely MUST, you can click on the button below:
P.S. To get our (earnest) end of the year update and appeal, which goes out next week, be sure to sign up for our mailing list.
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