Things My Grandmothers Taught Me That Are Helping Right Now

Nothing Wrong with Elastic Waisted Pants, and Other Homegrown Wisdom

Sarah Condon / 3.26.20
  • It is perfectly acceptable to save .02 ounces of macaroni and cheese in a Cool Whip container with a tin foil top.
  • There’s nothing wrong with constantly having a pound cake in the house.
  • There’s nothing wrong with elastic waisted pants.
  • Children can watch hours of television and still feel loved if you offer them a mayonnaise sandwich on white bread in the midst of it.
  • There’s nothing wrong with children wearing elastic waisted pants.
  • Check on your neighbors. You can yell across porches.
  • Pray for the preacher. He is working too hard. And you know he’s got that loud opinionated wife he’s always dealing with. She must be crazy as a betsy bug right now. Poor fella.
  • Gossip is still perfectly acceptable.
  • If the men do not know how to cook, you are just going to have to cook for them. I mean, everyone cannot starve right now.
  • Dolly Parton is the Gospel every woman needs right now. Stand at your kitchen sink and belt out “God’s Coloring Book.” It’s free therapy.
  • Watching videos of people square dancing is a great way to end the evening.
  • Put down the dumbbells and the HIIT exercise videos. Walking will help you live to 90. In a soybean field preferably.
  • Turns out, family actually is the most important thing.
  • Do your hair and makeup. It will may you feel better. At a bare minimum, use some cold cream. Mauve lipstick looks good on almost everyone.
  • You can totally use a razor on your chin hairs. Desperate times, ladies.
  • For mercy’s sake, please wait until your hairdresser is open. Do not try anything on yourself.
  • If Lois and Elizabeth collectively survived the Great Depression, WWII, suicide of a spouse, death of a child, an alcoholic husband, and widowhood, then we can do this, people.
  • Pray on your knees at your bedside. That’s where the Holy Ghost listens.