Grace From Unexpected Places

I am listening to a podcast while my daughter naps in the hospital crib beside me. Her IV arm is draped across her face, and the striped hospital blankets gently rise and fall with her breath. It is Sunday evening. I should probably put on another Bible podcast, but after the latest overwhelming update from the doctor, I just need to distract myself and decompress.

I grab my Tupperware of leftover chicken and rice from the microwave and start eating as I listen. Office Ladies is one of my favorite podcasts (second only to The Mockingcast), and tonight I am finishing an episode where Jenna and Angela are interviewing writer Mike Schur about the episodes of the show that he wrote. They are discussing the creator and showrunner, Greg Daniels, and how remarkable it is that he opened up the process of making a show to the actors and writers so that, rather than being siloed, everyone had input on the different aspects of the show. Each of them is so grateful for their experience, Mike especially saying that it was so formative for him as a budding writer.

He then describes his experience writing a particular episode and getting Greg Daniels’s feedback. While watching the episode after Greg had edited it together, Mike felt his heart sink, because it was so different from how he had written it. It wasn’t right at all! So Mike sent Greg an email about his qualms, thinking that surely Greg would rethink his editing decisions and put the episode back closer to how Mike had originally envisioned it. Instead, Greg responded by explaining in detail why he made each and every decision the way he did. Mike recounts his response:

And then I remember, it was like my heart sank again, somehow, because I was embarrassed, but also like rose back up into my chest because I was like, oh, this guy knows everything, like this guy is seeing the matrix code behind the show in a way that I could never in this moment in my life.

And I just remember thinking like, there is nothing that I could suggest to Greg Daniels that he has not already thought about. He knew the show from beginning to end before he started working on it somehow. And like, when you know that you’re in the hands of someone who cares that much and knows that much about what he’s doing, it’s so freeing.

You’re just like, I just trust that the decisions that are being made are like coming from a place of like thoughtfulness and understanding and like love of the characters and love of the world that makes me just very at ease, you know?

I pause mid-bite as the words wash over me. Mike is describing what it’s like to work with a boss who is not only more knowledgeable than anyone else in his field but also caring enough about his employees to explain to them why he’s doing what he’s doing. How amazing would it be if we all had a boss like that?

But as I gaze around the hospital room again, I realize that I don’t need a boss like that, because I have a God like that. As I am wondering what is going on with my daughter, I am reminded that he knows everything. There is nothing I could suggest to God that he has not already thought about. He has written my daughter’s life, hospital stay and all, from beginning to end before she was even born.

How personal and kind and loving is my God! He who sees me in my sorrow and weakness, who hears the anxious cries of my heart. I had been worried about what the future would hold, wondering why God allowed my daughter to be so sick, wondering how our plans would unfold given her diagnosis and treatment. And then this. From Office Ladies of all places!

And Mike is right: to be in the hands of Someone like that is the most freeing thing in the world. I am loved. I am not forgotten. I am held. My daughter is loved. She is not forgotten. She is held.

As I sit there weeping, clutching my unfinished dinner, wiping my tears with my napkin, I know that everything is going to be okay. Because I have a God who loves me so much that he would speak to me in such a specific and tender way at just the right moment through a random podcast episode that I put on to distract myself from praying. To be cared for by a God like that, what more do I need?

Our situation has not changed at all — my daughter is still in the hospital, and it still doesn’t seem like she’s getting better — but I am now joyful, hopeful again. I have a God who loves me, who sees me, who is working all things for my good. And because I have a God like that, everything is going to be okay.