Greetings from Summer Parenting. Today, I ate old granola and read a book to my five year old. I also said I “needed” to fold a lot of laundry so I could have five minutes of peace. The summer is almost over and things have gone well here. Or not. Depends on what you mean by “well.”

When I worked in an office, in education, summer was the big planning period. Our schedules were busier than usual getting everything ready for the school year. Now, summer is a time I need to clear my schedule because I cannot guarantee I will get anything done other than keeping some kids alive. I work furiously in April and May to make sure I won’t need to have any appointments during the summer months. All this planning certainly falls apart the minute I realize my drivers license is about to expire but, in general, the preparation makes me feel more in control.

Summer can be full of “shoulds.” On one side, I am told I should spend as much time as possible with my children because I want to be an engaged mom and need to build deep connections with my kids any chance I get. They aren’t getting any younger, so I should plan enriching activities that will create new memories and experiences. I should be a fun mom (see previous post) and have all manner of activities prepped and ready to go. The worst thing in the world would be for my children to not be connected with me all the time. Ignoring them is not an option, no matter how much laundry there is to fold.

On the other side, I am told that summer is a time when I should optimize my kids. I should send them to sports camps, STEM camps, faith based camps, and specialized art camps. I should intensely schedule activities for them to: become a well-rounded, successful person, ensure they are always busy, and vault ahead of their peers come school time. It’s only a couple of months, but make the most of it!

Like most (good) advice, the soundest is probably somewhere in the middle. Kids are pushed and pulled all year long during the school year. Anxiety rates are increasing dramatically for pre-teens and teens who are worried about getting into the right school to get the right degree and the right job. Our optimization projects do not actually create well-rounded children. On the other hand, the pressure to be engaged with our children at all times during the summer creates incredibly stressed out parents who end up feeling like they never measure up to this ideal summer parent. It’s worth repeating again, but the “perfect mom” does not actually exist. Sometimes I see families at the park or the pool who look absolutely exhausted — either the kids are over-scheduled or the parent is sick and tired of popsicle stick crafts and nature hikes with his or her children.

Summer vacation, and really all recreation time, used to be just that, re-creation — a restoring time to rest and not have to do everything. Boredom was a real option, spurring inventive games or adventures of the imagination. Instead, we have turned it into another chance to achieve, whether by being the best parent or helping our kids become their best selves. But none of us can carry the burden of constant improvement, whether it’s us or our kids.

Rest is a radical concept to our  minds, but one that is divinely appointed in the Sabbath. God asks us to rest not only because we need it but because we need to remember that, even if we work all seven days of the week, we will not achieve optimization or perfection.

I need to be reminded that the burden is not all on me, that one of the gifts Jesus gives is rest to our weary and heavy laden souls. He does not demand optimization, for his yoke is easy and his burden is light. Summer Parenting is not about achievement and improvement, yours or your children. Because whether your summer is over (or in full swing) my hope is that we find rest for ourselves and our children, knowing that God provides more for us than we can imagine — even if that means that we sometimes don’t appear to doing much of anything.

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