The class was Developmental Adapted Physical Education for High School, and my shift included two class periods. At the start of the second, this young man walked up to me, and we had the following exchange:
“Where’s Mr. Wyp?”
“I’m Mr. Ryan, and I’m your sub.”
“So I’m stuck with you?”
“Yep, you’re stuck with me.”
“That’s unfortunate.”
I had to stifle a laugh, especially when we had three more similar exchanges, and one later where he told me I didn’t look 45 … I looked older!
This substituting venture began last fall as a side gig and way to connect in the community. I’ve covered kindergarten through high school, full days of classes and short special needs groups. Some schools have been warm and welcoming, while others seem stretched and stressed. Some teachers and administrators have sought to have me back, but by and large, the sub just swoops in, does the task, and disappears.
A real surprise to me has been my preference for kindergarten over high school. In one week I had subbed for both, and the contrast was obvious. Most people warned me about the neediness and exhaustion of the kinders, including Arnold Schwarzenegger! And they aren’t wrong. A class of 30 kids with runny noses struggling to cut the paper and saying the darndest things definitely had me sleeping like a rock that night. But I also loved their lack of cynicism. One little girl in particular kept acting up and, when I corrected her, went into a corner to pout. I allowed this for a moment (or was I distracted by something else?) and then went over to her and said, “I’m not mad at you. I want you to have fun and be part of what we’re doing.” Miraculously that worked. Every time she’s seen me in her school since, I get an eager wave or hug. She has a strong desire for affirmation. And she’s not alone.
Paul Zahl has been formative for me over the years in highlighting that a love from outside of us, an affirmation of us regardless of our performance, is indeed life-giving and transformative. He rightly highlights the power of romantic love and indeed the love of God. As a substitute, I’ve been surprised to see how true this is even when the “other,” namely me, is a total stranger and authority figure. Who am I to these kids? I don’t honestly know, especially at first. And yet their need for affirmation, love, and belonging is so strong that my presence can make all the difference.
And the kinders have reminded me that this is the default need for everyone. As I’ve literally worked my way up the age groups, I’ve noted an increased defensiveness from the students to this truth, and the contrast in one week between six-year-olds and sixteen-year-olds only made it more stark. Which is why I was so annoyed at myself for saying I’d never sub high school again. Yes, they tried to be on their phones or trick me into letting them wander hallways. Yes, they avoided eye contact and pretended they didn’t care. Ironically I felt more like a babysitter with them and figured, “What’s the point?” Between their faux hardness and my limited subbing role, I kinda figured there was no way to make a positive impact. Can a substitute make any difference at all? If only we had a Gospel story of Jesus interacting with teenagers, like the one where he receives the little kids!
But then over the next few days, I recalled little interactions with individuals, or my words to them up front about being the sub but also caring about them. It slowly began to dawn on me that their form of acting up looked different from the kinders but had the same root cause. Who am I to these high schoolers? I honestly don’t know, and in fact, that doesn’t really matter. Despite what they communicate, they also have a need for affirmation, love, and belonging hiding just beneath the surface.
This was confirmed for me when I listened to Christine Emba’s recent talk at Mbird NYC. After walking through much of the trouble younger people are facing, particularly around love and relationships, she led the group through her “ask” to the church. Though this move can often feel burdensome, as if there’s something else I need to do to save the world, her ask was a life-giving mustard seed. I heard her essentially say, “Trust God’s Word, and share your wisdom about men and women.” I heard her say, “Role models in any form can make a positive change for young people.”
You’ve probably heard it said that there’s no substitute for the real thing. The real thing is God’s love in Jesus Christ. There’s no substitute for it, but there are many conduits God uses to deliver it. Luther called these the “masks” of God, meaning he uses any and all means to care for us and deliver his goods. Undoubtedly, God has called you into some subbing positions for another. No matter how small or short-lived they seem, you can trust that Jesus makes good use of them.
Thinking back on that young man in high school PE, I’m realizing now that his words seemed off-putting and funny but actually betrayed the need we all have.
“So I’m stuck with you?”
“Yep, you’re stuck with me.”
I believe Jesus says the same thing to us.
After the young student told you that you look older than 45, your response should have been, “Yeh, that’s what subbing does to you.” My brother-in-law taught special ed students for years. Today, he is a full-time sub and finds subbing opportunities about 3-5 times weekly in his area. He has shared the overwhelming responsibility of assisting too many students with little help. Either school administrations are strapped or they just don’t care. He told stories of autistic kids having seizures in his classroom and no one else to assist, of one student who walked out of class and left the school grounds forcing him to leave the classroom and finding him. Of another just yelling in class, and all he could do was let the screaming play out. Kind of difficult to teach in such environments. Thanks for sharing the importance of encouragement and affirmation and also the reminder that Jesus is stuck with all of us. Yet, schools can’t ignore the fact that these educators need more help.