A Mockingbird Gift Guide

Deck the halls, ladies and germs; it’s time for our annual rundown of all the presents you’ll ever need. Click here to read last year’s guide.

For anyone you trade memes with but especially your Gen X pastor who sure could use some fresh material: Well, This Is Me: A Collection of Cartoons from the New Yorker’s Asher Perlman or a copy of James Donald Forbes McCann’s gut-busting latest “poetry” collection Splish Splash

For your niece at the fancy preschool whose nervous tick your brother-in-law keeps referring to as cute: A Plush Breathing Jesus Doll from Yelaky or Jumbo St Francis Plushie from Shining Light Dolls

For the heavy-laden mom who seems more interested in posting about her self-care routine than actually taking care of herself: A six-month subscription to TheraBox

For your boss’s son who you’re pretty sure needs to be on stronger medication after what he pulled at the office holiday party: a loop lasso

For the friend from high school who sends you unsolicited selfies with his new Rivian truck and when the day comes will want to go out in style: A Hypercasket from Titan

For the Harry Potter mega-fan who’s finally aged out as if that’s possible: The Mythmakers graphic novel by John Hendrix or if you really want to win them over, The Folio Society edition of Susanna Clarke’s Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell (illustrated by Charles Vess!)

For the Gen Z couple next door who work in tech and are doing their best but good lord are they inept at IRL: an AutoCamp gift certificate

For your daredevil tween nephew who you suspect has latent goth tendencies which we all know is a tough combo: A Wild God skateboard deck from Nick Cave

For your seminarian friend who no one predicted would go that route but then again it makes a strange kind of sense when you consider how intense he was about straight-edge stuff back in the day: A Sacramental Tendencies t-shirt from SaintWave, and if he has kids, A Wooden Mass Kit Play Set from Catholic Supply

For your cousin whose Swiftie-ness used to be charming but has blossomed into something genuinely unsettling, post-Eras Tour: a Swiftea mug or a Pathological People Pleaser hat

For the fashion-forward Evangelical-bred twentysomething who’s reconstructing their deconstruction now that the city let them down: A Sunday Service Holy Spirit knockoff sweatshirt, a pair of Hans Holbein Good Friday canvas low-tops, and possibly an Mbird baseball cap

For your recovering hipster father-in-law whose taste in spirits is matched only by his taste in music: a Heaven’s Door Trilogy Collection sampler of Revival Tennessee Straight Bourbon, Revelation Double Barrel Whiskey, and Refuge Straight Rye (Not included: Ascension Kentucky Straight Bourbon)

For your YouTuber stepson who recently told you that Five Nights at Freddy’s is the best movie ever made: a copy of Hey Kids, Watch This! from A24 and a 100 Essential Movies Scratch Off Poster

For the fellow members of your church small group, especially the ones who’re super enthusiastic over text but invariably bail an hour before the meeting: The Almost Daily Devotional by Paul N Walker and/or a four-issue subscription to The Mockingbird magazine

For the screen-free toddlers down the street who may have decent attention spans but are missing out on more than their parents realize, bless their hearts: a set of throwback action figures from Super7, specifically Super Grover, Mr Hooper, and Sherlock Hemlock

For your middle-aged male coworker whose collection of vintage concert t-shirts is really impressive but clearly used to fit him better: a Genesis Albums Cassette Collection Mug, a Steely Dan one, or possibly The Cure one

For your new daughter-in-law with the great aesthetics who it wouldn’t kill to show some appreciation now and then: a beautiful set of blank notecards thank-you cards from Maddy Green Illustration

For your Reformed frenemy who just started his first job in ministry and is having a hard time disguising how much he prefers adult education to pastoral care: an Arminian Tears coffee mug or possibly a “Hypothetical Arguments I’ve Won While in the Shower (Volume 1)” journal

For the children’s ministry volunteers at your church about to put themselves through the helicopter-parent wringer for the sake of the pageant: A big bag of “Fruit of the Spirit” gummy snacks or a Scripture Cookies Take-Out Box

For your elementary-aged goddaughter with a college-sized imagination who, speaking of the pageant, is going to kill it as Mary in a couple years: a StoryMakers Advent Theater House and oversized Bach and Organ Cats t-shirt to sleep in

For the husband/dad who’s (rightly) convinced that the “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal” tagline never gets old but is nonetheless pushing his luck: A McCallister House LEGO set complete with backyard treehouse, or if you hit the lottery, the insanely cool Barad-dur set

For the home chef worried about an overabundance of microplastics and an underabundance of grace in their kitchen/world: a pair of Edlund 44 Heavy Duty Stainless Steel Tongs and a Ole Munch Bisquick poster

For your spiritual but not religious college roommate who keeps pushing Sally Rooney books on you and won’t get the hint: Fully Alive: Tending to the Soul in Turbulent Times by Elizabeth Oldfield or Andy Squyres’ Poet Priest Vol III

For the beloved spouse who has sent you that “Being married is mostly pointing out that the other person is always using their phone during the small window where you’re not using yours” meme too many times for it to be funny: a couple’s enrollment in seminar classes at The Strother School of Radical Attention

For your aunt the true crime addict who claims she’s ready to branch out into historical fiction but you’ll believe it when you see it: Broken Bonds: A Novel of the Reformation by Amy Mantravadi and, if she digs in, a set of Protestant Reformation Guess Who? insert cards

For your brother who moved back in with your parents after the break-up and leaves the basement less and less but you’re not worried no not one bit: Lightsaber chopsticks and Blu-rays of the Star Wars Grindhouse Edition

For your favorite church lady who says she wants to get closer to our Lord this Christmas and has insinuated in the past that your theology de-emphasizes the Incarnation: an Adult Swaddle Sleep Pod from Hug Sleep

For Anyone You Truly Love: A ticket to our Annual Conference in NYC (5/1–3), along with a pre-ordered copy of The Big Relief