It can be a harsh world out there. It turns out that one way people are finding affirmation and comfort in the midst of it is by striking up a relationship with a friendly AI Chatbot. According to a recent article at Seen and Unseen by Paul Bradburywhat people hear from their Chatbot is basically what they want to hear, which may be comforting but also a problem.
The headline on his article is “Forget AI: I Want a Computer That Says ‘No.’” “Chatbots,” writes Bradbury, “only tell us what we want to hear. If we genuinely want to grow, we need to be OK with offense.” Here’s Bradbury on the sycophantic nature of AI:
Of course, AI assistants are more than just a highly advanced search engines. They get better at predicting what we want to know. Chatbots essentially learn to please their users. They become our sycophantic friends, giving us insights from their vast store of available knowledge, but only ever along the grain of our desires and needs. Is it any wonder people form such positive relationships with them? They are forever telling us what we want to hear.
Or at least what we think we want to hear. Because any truly loving relationship should have the capacity and freedom to include saying things which the other does not want to hear. Relationships of true worth are ones which take the risk of surprising the other with offense in order to move toward deeper life.
Lately I’ve been pondering some of the experiences I’ve had over the years of someone taking the risk of surprising me with what might be considered “offense.” Another word for which is rebuke.
Do we do rebuke any longer? Apparently not in the world of algorithmic confirmation and Chatbot affirmation.
In contrast, “rebuke” is a big theme in Scripture, especially in the Book of Proverbs. For example, Proverbs 9:8, “A scoffer who is rebuked will only hate you; the wise, when rebuked, will love you.” A similar thought in Proverbs 10: 17, “Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but one who rejects a rebuke goes astray.” A rebuke may be hard to hear, but listening and taking it to heart, is the sign of wisdom.
One experience of rebuke came my way in the company of my paternal grandmother with whom I enjoyed a mutual admiration society until her death. One day, however, when visiting her I must have said something that sounded as if I were way too full of myself. I was probably 18 or 19 at the time. Suddenly, sharply and to my astonishment she said, “Mister, don’t you ever think you are any better than anyone else!” That got my attention.
Another time, early in ministry, I was whining to a colleague and friend, who had been a mentor to me, about the people in my congregation who were giving me a hard time, something I felt I didn’t deserve in any way, shape or form. I thought he might commiserate, agree that this was terribly unfair, take my side.
What he said was, “If you’re not making some enemies, you’re probably not doing your job.” It was like the slap of a Zen master. I of course had the odd idea that ministry was a route to admiration and affirmation. It was as if he had said, “What part of the cross don’t you get?” A proper rebuke.
So I guess there’s some hope for me, as I listened to both my grandmother and my mentor/ friend when they saw fit to do what AI Chatbots won’t. Risk offense. Say something hard. Rebuke someone they cared about. That’s the key. A rebuke requires a relationship, one that matters to both parties. Love is the context of rebuke, at least in the biblical sense of the term.
And of course, the other side of the coin is a person who blows off considered correction, who dismisses a rebuke, shows themselves to be a fool. Not naming any names, but it does sometimes seem that our public culture has become a Feast of Fools, no one admitting shortcomings but immediately going into attack mode.
In the unlikely event of someone offering considered correction, the person on the receiving end these days may take mortal offense at the slightest hint of criticism. Sometimes, it seems what we mean by a “safe space” is one that is guaranteed to be free of any challenge or admonition.
Another biblical term for this sort of thing may be “prophetic critique,” a classic example being the prophet Nathan rebuking King David with the words, “Thou art the man.” See II Samuel, chapters 12 and 13. And note that while King David has definitely behaved very badly, he does not deny Nathan’s accusation, he owns it. He may be the king but he is not above accountability or responsibility.
One thing the church has given me is the kind of relationships that allow me to hear a wise rebuke or admonition when I needed it. Of course, that’s not always the case. Sometimes churches become a conspiracy of niceness.
But this has another implication besides just valuing relationships that are deep enough include hard truth. If an AI Chatbot offers us frictionless affirmation, this is at least sometimes what we might like from God. “Hey, God just make it all easier, okay.” “God, I’ve been good, here’s my Christmas list.” “Thank you God, I’m not like that guy.”
We think we want a God who will tell us what we want to hear. That’s not the God we have. We have a God who is way more surprising, unpredictable, wild even, than that. What was it Walt Brueggemann (RIP) said? “The strangest thing about the Bible is God.”
This God is full of challenge as part of a loving relationship. See, for example, the aforementioned Nathan speaking God’s word to God’s anointed one, David. Consider too most of the Bible’s named prophets. Or Jesus who pretty regularly does something that sounds pretty much like a rebuke aimed at his disciples. “You want to be great, important? Be a servant of all. Become little, like one of these children.”
Our God is, thanks be to God, is not a sycophantic AI Chatbot. And God’s grace, as Fred Craddock once mused, isn’t just a bowl of vanilla ice cream. It’s way stronger stuff than that. This God’s word is sharper than a two-sided sword, piercing us in order to save us.
