This coming year is swelling with expectation and change, a lot of exciting, joyful things, but it can feel a little overwhelming to a status quo lover like myself. I thrive on routines and for the past two years my life has been rather devoid of big change. I’ve loved every minute of it. But life is just a series of us being constantly interrupted from what we’d prefer to be doing and if you’re a Christ follower, those interruptions tend to be a lot more uncomfortable.
I’ve been rereading the words of Mary after the Annunciation again and again — it’s striking that that’s how a young girl reacted to news of some pretty drastic change. Being told you will give birth to a son when you are a virgin, unmarried, and live in a society that does not react well to this sort of thing had to just seem really bad, but Mary didn’t react that way. At all. She rejoiced, she praised God, she felt that she had been blessed to be a part of God’s plan. She didn’t quite understand how it would all unfold, but she understood that she was being used by God, and that was enough to rejoice in.
I won’t get into huge debates about Mary, but I have found it encouraging to have it modeled for me in a human girl what it is to have the strength and ability to say “Let it be to me according to your word” when most people would say the path ahead looks a bit too hard. Even though we might not recognize it in the moment, all of us find ourselves at the crossroads of joy and fear. In that moment, the angel told Mary of her highest joy, her salvation, the gift that would give her life meaning. She would bear the one person capable of perfect grace, and it was hers to accept.
I lack this strength, because so often I only look at things through my dim, weak, human vision — a glass darkly indeed. But on earth we are always presented with our highest joy, even if we can’t perceive it. Any one with a new baby will tell you that that baby is the highest, but most exhausting joy. Our greatest good and highest callings are rarely the easy ones.
Madeleine L’Engle writes “the Nativity is a time to take courage. How brave am I? Can I bear, without breaking apart, this extraordinary birth?” Advent takes place in the darkest days of winter, where we see the least amount of sunlight, and in this darkness we are waiting to receive our highest joy.
The cast of characters in the nativity are constantly being told to not be afraid, even though the path before them feels a bit much. Mary is told not to be afraid, she has found favor with God. Joseph is told to not be afraid to wed Mary. Following a star to look for a newborn king had to feel a bit ridiculous at times, what if it leads to nothing? The shepherds in the field were greeted by a terrifying sight, and were told to not be afraid. But the tidings of great joy often feel scary, and yet it is precisely this fearful revelation that leads to growth and newfound strength in him.
Advent for me this year is the summoning of courage to receive what is being offered. But saying “I’m summoning my courage” isn’t quite the right phrase, I don’t summon it. If I act on my own strength I easily become like Eve and I reach for the fruit. I don’t trust that God’s commands are my greatest good and surest path, and I seize control for myself. If I’m sure of anything in this wild season of life it is that my own strength and courage are insufficient. Do I reach for the fruit and seize it myself or do I bow my head and say “I am your servant.”
And so that is Advent, it’s coming to terms with my internal darkness, my own feeble attempts at seeking my greatest good. And instead of mustering my own strength to say yes to the highest joy, I ask the one who came to dwell with us to offer me that strength. And throughout this next year, one filled with big, exciting changes, I know in all this chaos He continues to offer me my greatest good. It is only on the other side of fear that we discover tidings of comfort and joy.
Featured image is by Sister Grace Remington, OCSO, Sisters of the Mississippi Abbey in Dubuque, Iowa.
http://www.mississippiabbey.org/
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