Another Week Ends

1. The benefits of sleepaway camp are well documented — building friendships, independence, risk taking, screen-free fun. I myself was never a sleepaway camper, but apparently it’s not too late for me. Per the Wall Street Journal, adults are getting in on this. During a time of social disconnection and internet saturation, the idea of spending time on a quiet, relatively sedentary vacation is losing appeal for some:

“I built Camp Social for the adult friendship gap,” said [Liv] Schreiber, who is 28, lives in New York and founded the camp in 2023. “I created what I wished existed. We’re expected to figure out friendships without a blueprint.”

Camp Social joins a number of grown-up sleep-away camps such as Club Getaway, ‘Camp’ Camp and Camp No Counselors that have seen a surge in new campers in recent years. Demand was enough that Camp Social, which hosts 400 female campers per session, added a second in September. Camp No Counselors, which has locations in Pennsylvania and California, is expanding to Texas in April.

Camp directors say that in the past, campers would come with large friend groups. But these days new campers are arriving solo. Schreiber said 92% of attendees at Camp Social come alone. […]

At Camp Social, creating chemistry is everything: campers are divided by age, which range from 20s to 60s, into bunks of eight to 10. Each is staffed with a trained counselor who serves as a camp concierge and bonding facilitator — they are even tasked with coming up with a bunk cheer. During the day, campers create their own schedules from a buffet of traditional activities including boating, archery, ropes course, bracelet making, waterfront, tie-dye and tennis. But there are adult embellishments too: paint-and-sip and a mixology class are on the schedule.…

Unlike all-inclusive vacations that don’t facilitate bonding among guests, and wellness retreats that focus on one or two activities such as yoga or meditation, sleep-away camp, with its combination of nature and trying activities with new friends, fosters connection, participants say.

“I played games I haven’t played in 15-plus years…”

What’s most striking to me is this admission that chemistry must be “created” and bonds “facilitated.” That doesn’t jibe, I would think, with the kind of social competence most grownups would pride themselves on. To enter the sleepaway camp, one must become like little children…

2. I observe, though, that at the center of the above article is a camp for women. Of course there are others that welcome men, but speaking personally it is rather hard to imagine a camp where 92% of male attendees are willing to show up alone, simply for the sake of “figuring out friendship” — even if that would ultimately benefit many men today.

In the NY Times, Robert D. Putnam and Richard V. Reeves examine the ongoing problems of male socialization and compare today’s situation with one of from the past:

In the early years of the 20th century, America had a “boy problem.” Boys on the street, making trouble. Boys becoming truants. Boys getting caught up in crime. The problem spread across the United States alongside the disruptions of technological change, immigration and growing socioeconomic inequality.

Policymakers stepped in — with universal public schooling, for example. But it was the civic response that was truly extraordinary. In less than a decade, most of today’s major child-serving organizations were founded: Big Brothers (1904), the Federated Boys’ Clubs (1906), Boy Scouts (1910), Girl Scouts (1912) and 4-H (1912).

Many boys and men are struggling today, too, in an America once again disrupted by technological change, immigration and growing inequality. Since 2010, suicide rates among young men have risen by a third — they are now higher than they are among middle-aged men. The share of college degrees going to men has fallen to 41 percent, lower than the women’s share in 1970. One in 10 men aged 20 to 24 is effectively doing nothing — neither enrolled in school nor working. That’s twice the rate in 1990. This crisis demands a response equivalent to what the Progressive era delivered, not just in public policy but equally important, from our civic institutions. …

This male malaise is not just about jobs and diplomas. It is also a crisis of connection, as men and boys are increasingly detached from civic, familial and social life. They are lost, in part because they are lonely: 25 percent of boys and men aged 15 to 34 told Gallup they had experienced loneliness “a lot” on the previous day. One in seven young men reports that he has no close friends, up from 3 percent in 1990. Two thirds of men under the age of 30 think that “no one cares if men are okay.”

Consider the despair implicit in that last statistic.

For those interested, the article continues at length, but the above line reminded me of something David Zahl wrote on this site a few months ago, which I think just about covers it:

I was speaking with a colleague recently about ministry to college students. He made a fascinating if disturbing observation. Fifteen years ago, when a young man would approach him to speak about a pastoral matter, nine times out of ten, it would be something related to purity. Today, when a young man asks to bend his ear about something personal, odds are, he is about to disclose a mental health emergency, usually some form of suicidal ideation.

Nearly everyone I know who’s engaged in pastoral ministry would corroborate this. I don’t know a single church that hasn’t witnessed an uptick in funerals where the cause of death was despair-related. More and more people would rather not live. Plenty of others are barely hanging on, no matter how happy-go-lucky they may appear. I know that sounds heavy and possibly overstated but I suppose you get to the point where writing about anything else (in book form) would feel inauthentic and even irresponsible.

I guess what I’m saying is that the most acute spiritual condition of our day isn’t pride or privilege or power or even self-righteousness. It’s despair. This despair floats freely and exerts a pressure of its own. And I know of no more potent force/idea/reality when it comes to allaying true despair than the grace of God. It’s the best thing there is. Grace lends life its poetry and preciousness and much of its levity. It is a reason to keep breathing — and breathing deeply.

3. The answer to despair, God knows, is not ChatGPT. And it’s not the therapeutic validation of every instinct and emotion, which ChatGPT is extremely good at. King of Hot Takes Freddie deBoer argues that our culture has an over-validation problem — that we are reflexively sycophantic. And AI isn’t the cause but a symptom:

[Chatbots] function as personal validation machines in a society seemingly hellbent on validating everyone, about everything, all the time. … But I kind of think blaming AI for a culture of thoughtless validation is both identifying the wrong culprit and complaining about the barn door being open when the horse has already escaped. The truth is that we’ve been advancing a culture of limitless validation for everyone for several decades now, which in practice looks little different from a concerted effort to make everyone more narcissistic. We’ve built this vast cultural architecture dedicated to telling people that they’re valid, delivering no-strings-attached affirmation in a way that’s totally disconnected from virtuous behavior. Then we celebrate their arrogant expressions of their own greatness as a form of healthy self-respect.

A friend’s wife is a teacher at a pricey private middle school. She offhandedly said to her class last year, “A big part of life is doing things you don’t want to do, guys.” Instead of taking this for the banal truism it should be, she said they looked aghast, and she even had a parent complain to the principal.

Look, validation and affirmation are human needs. We thrive when our efforts are recognized and when we feel seen by others. But when validation is severed from merit, when it’s given as a matter of course rather than as a reward for worthy actions, it loses its meaning and power. Imagine a child who’s been told that they’re amazing, brilliant, and special, every day of their life, regardless of their behavior or effort. That child learns to expect praise as a baseline, not as a recognition of hard work or kindness. When they eventually face real-world challenges or criticism, they’ll crumble; their self-worth was never grounded in reality. …

The architecture of social media platforms is perfectly designed to exploit and exacerbate this craving for affirmation. Likes, retweets, comments, all function as digital dopamine hits that reinforce a user’s sense of importance and belonging.

While I make my usual disclaimer about this author — his indictments can be a little too sweeping — the diagnosis rings largely true to my experience of things. Of course, meritocracy has its own social perils and is, as history has repeatedly shown, mostly an illusion. But at least for our purposes here, it’s interesting to note the way something that looks so much like grace (affirmation, validation, kindness) can be distorted into law.

4. Whether we’re trying to raise a kinder, gentler generation or save the climate via veganism, “our best efforts” so often fail us, as this next link shows. Four years ago, in an attempt to make fine dining more environmentally responsible, celebrated chef Daniel Humm forsook meat and made his world-famous menus plant-based. A few years later — per an announcement this week — he’s going back to meat. In the hands of writer Ellen Cushing this about-face is really pretty funny:

Well, yeah. The thing is, people really, really like meat. All the time, but especially when they’re paying up to $365 a head for dinner before tax, tip, and beverages. Between 2014 and 2024, annual per capita meat consumption rose — even as various publications heralded the end of beef, even as the consequences of climate change became even more unignorable, even before the secretary of health started telling people to eat tallow. Sales of plant-based meat have been declining since 2021, according to the Good Food Institute, a nonprofit devoted to alternative proteins. In June, the CEO of Impossible Foods, which sells high-tech meat substitutes, told The Wall Street Journal that his company was considering taking an approach similar to Humm’s, developing a half-beef burger. Though plenty of animal-free restaurants seem to be doing perfectly well, in fine dining they may be the exception rather than the rule. Of the United States’ 263 Michelin-starred restaurants, just four are exclusively vegetarian or vegan. Americans just cannot seem to quit meat, no matter how good the alternative tastes.

…the problem with appointing yourself as an agent for the revolution is that then you really need people to buy what you are selling. And you can only be one of the world’s most influential restaurants if you are making enough money to stay open.

The idea of a place such as Eleven Madison Park being on the vanguard of social change was funny even before it was revealed to be temporary. A nice meal is fundamentally a luxury good — one where no expense is spared, customers are always comfortable, the linens get washed every day, and the appeal is a sense of perfection. It is the opposite of sacrifice, which is what responding to climate change will require from all of us. Humm is right, of course — meat really is unsustainable. So is hubris.

5. Could just be because I’m an editor here, but I LOL’ed many times at “The Em Dash Responds to the AI Allegations.” And related: “Honey I Have No Clue What You’re Talking About — I Did Not Use AI to Write My Wedding Vows.” But if you’re tired of that topic, there’s these:

From Reductress: I LIVED IT: The Plan That Was Far Away Is Now.

And from the New Yorker: The Worst City to Find Love Is Wherever You, Yes You, Live: “Several factors were examined to determine that you are the epicenter of a phenomenon that swallows up the possibility of romantic love like a black hole sucking in light.”

6. This week, Martin Scorsese joined James Martin on his Spiritual Life podcast, where he described his “imaginative” way of praying, per the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius Loyola:

Martin Scorsese is, obviously, a very visual person, and when he describes his encounter with Christ in the Exercises, it sounds as if he is blocking out a scene in one of his films. But this is very much in line with what St. Ignatius called “composing the place.” In the Spiritual Exercises, as in Ignatian contemplation in general, one imagines oneself in the Gospel scene with as much detail as possible.

“It is to immerse yourself in this world and to know Jesus,” as Mr. Scorsese says in our conversation. Imagination is key to entering into the Spiritual Exercises.

“In the Nativity,” he said, by way of example, “it’s putting yourself in a real situation.” He then described exactly what he imagined Joseph and Mary would be doing at the time. “There are ways of trying to understand even the texture and the smell of the place.” […]

As Martin Scorsese recounts, praying in this way, “immersing” yourself in the Life of Christ, can help you to deepen not only your understanding of the Gospels but your relationship with Jesus Christ who is alive through the Spirit and made present to us in so many ways, including our imagination.

7. Tons of great moments in this recent sermon by Nadia Bolz-Weber — read/listen to the whole thing! — but it’s this anecdote from her dad that really hit home for me:

[My dad] has a progressive neuromuscular disease, so over the last 10 years we have watched as he slowed down a bit, then relied on a cane for support, then a walker and now for several years a wheelchair. … Now, my father was a professor and is a dignified man; tall, handsome, with a certain command of presence. So after a nurse had come to help him with toileting, I said, “Dad it must be really humbling to need other people to do so many things for you.” And to my surprise, his face lit up and he said “No kiddo. That’s the good part.”

That’s the good part.

The needing. The being needed. The being humbled by our own humanity. The economy of grace that God has given us to live within.

Thinking of myself as so independent is a joke by the way.… And in a world that tries to convince us we are alone, maybe that’s all we really need to remember.

We still belong to each other.

That’s the good part.

Amen.

Strays

• This was, in a big way, the week of Taylor Swift’s latest album announcement, made via podcast. Is podcasting is the new way of controlling a narrative?
• “The Fire We Need” by Ben DeHart
• I loved this write-up on Amelia Bedelia by Anna North in Vox:

The core of Amelia Bedelia isn’t just that she has trouble with figures of speech. It’s that she’s someone who’s supposed to follow other people’s commands, and who instead performs bizarre acts that make those commands look silly. For a child — someone constantly being told what to do in terms that are often less than clear, by people who seem to hold all the power — what could be more satisfying?