That time again! Click here to check out last year’s guide. And to make sure all the gifts below look their best, we recommend (w)rapping them in deliciousness or genius.

Too bad these aren’t purchase-able

For Your Small Group Leader Who Keeps Hinting That You Take Your Law/Grace Paradigm More Seriously Than Scripture Itself: An Easy Stroll Through a Short Gospel by Larry Parsley.

For Your Basement-Dwelling Cousin Who Could Really Use a Shower (and With Whom You’ve Got to Kill an Uncomfortable Amount of Time Between Christmas and New Year’s): Heaven & Ale Boardgame.

For Your Sister-in-Law Who Loves The Great British Baking Show So Much That She Keeps Inflicting Her Attempts at “Tray-Bakes” on Everyone: A Cookie So Good It’s Hardly a Cookie.

For the Parent of Small Children Looking to Spice Up Lunch-Time a Little, Since We All Know They’re Eating Half the Sandwich Anyway: Some of Reginald’s finest.

For the Volunteer Who Just Taught a Sunday School Series on Won’t You Be My Neighbor and People Still Haven’t Recovered: Mr Roger’s Sweater-Changing Mug.

For Your Niece/Nephew Who’s Flirting With a Full-Fledged Goth Phase and Has No Idea How Hardcore Your Anthropology Is: A William Blake “Help! Help!” iphone case and/or hoodie.

For Anyone You Know Who Needs Socks, Especially If They Have Literary or Psychedelic Aspirations: These or these.

For the Churchy Fangirl Looking to Take It to Next Level (AKA Full Jackwagon): A Dolly Parton prayer candle or a Jesus Loves Sinners Women’s T-shirt.

Other Recommended Prayer Candles for the Lovable Weirdos in Your Life: Bruce Campbell, Emily Dickinson, Goonies Sloth, Lemmy and Lamb, Nicolas Cage, Bill Murray in Rushmore, Donna Summer, Todd Rundgren.

For Your Uncle Who’s Sworn Off the Internet (Again) and Claims to Be Full Analog at This Point: A gift subscription to The Mockingbird Magazine (Faith and Doubt Issue ships in January!) or if you want to go big, The Box Set of the first ten issues — only nine units left!

For Your Favorite Teacher from High School, the One Who Loved Poetry and Didn’t Play by the Rules (and Wasn’t Named Robin): Tropic of Squalor by Mary Karr.

For Your Favorite Religious Studies Graduate Student or Seminary Professor: A Heretical Nonsense stamp.

For the Wrung-Out Fashionista Mom Whose Obsession With The Handmaid’s Tale Is Starting to Get a Little Creepy: Apollo Box’s Pillow Hat, or this.

For the Braindead FBI Agent in Your Life, or Anyone Standing Against the Forces of Darkness (and Stale Coffee): This pie plate.

For Your Church Friend Who You Can’t Help But Notice Is Always in the Bathroom During the Passing of the Peace:

For the Kid You Used to Babysit Who Sounds Like He’s Just About Had It With His Fellow Undergraduates: A Survival Guide for a World at Odds by Alan Jacobs (probably best to keep the actual title on the DL at first).

For Your Friend from Youth Group Who You’re Pretty Sure Just Got Separated from Their Spouse and Is Now Posting a Ton of Really Important “Deconstruction” Podcasts on FB: An Existential Crisis Club: Lifetime Member throw pillow or possibly this Infinite Galaxy Puzzle.

For the New Assistant Pastor at Your Church Who Keeps Looking at You Funny When You Mention the Theology of the Cross: 1517’s awesome new annotated Heidelberg Disputation translation, or if you really want to see their head spin (and possibly alienate them for good), this.

For the 11-Year-Old in Your Life to Whom You’re Looking to Model God’s Absurd Bank-Breaking Generosity (and Possibly Upset His/Her Parents): The Lego Voltron set.

For the 39-Year-Old in Your Life to Whom You’re Looking to Model God’s Absurd Bank-Breaking Generosity (And Possibly Upset His/Her Parents): Tickets to the KISS’s End of the Road Tour and/or the Seinfeld Apartment Set Replica.

For Your Foodie Podcastaholic Wife Who, Just to Be Perfectly Clear, Should In No Way Take This As a Passive-Aggressive Comment About Her Cooking: A signed copy of the Milk Street cookbook.

For the Blue Hymnal Aficionado Ready for a Top-Notch New Soundtrack to the Week — But Not Too New: Sam Bush’s Songs of Comfort, the latest “Stand on the Word” remixes, or Liturgical Folk’s Crumbs record.

For Your New Neighbor With All the Blank Wall Space: This if you want them to like you. This if you don’t.

For the Well of Sound Listener Wanting to Get Ahead and/or Represent: Honeybus on vinyl, a Tommy James for President t-shirt, Bobbi Gentry’s The Girl from Chickasaw County boxed set or Dave Davies’ Decade.

For the Busier-Than-Thou Workaholic Soul-Cycling Politico (and Those Who Love and/or Feel Superior to Them): You guessed it.

For Anyone You Love Very Much: Earlybird Tickets to Mockingbird’s 12th Annual Conference in New York City, April 25-27th. Prices go up on Feb 1! And maybe a Low Anthopology sticker for the envelope.