Give Up, Charlie Sheen!

But alas, the exhortation to “give up” does not engender the ability, nor the desire, […]

Bryan J. / 2.25.11

But alas, the exhortation to “give up” does not engender the ability, nor the desire, to “give up.”

We’ve posted bits and pieces on Charlie Sheen’s very public, very unfortunate meltdown before, but one might argue that Thursday the “bottoming out process” began. CBS has halted production on Sheen’s successful TV show, Two-and-a-Half-Men, in response to Sheen’s recent disastrous radio interview. Sheen attacked, among other things, the show’s producer, Alcoholics Anonymous, and, of course, Thomas Jefferson? As Sheen publicly tailspins, he becomes a public example of the bound will we all wrestle with day-in and day-out. Some moments from Sheen’s recent spectacle [from]:

On Alcoholics Anonymous: “This bootleg cult, arrogantly referred to as Alcoholics Anonymous, reports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math … another one of their mottoes is ‘Don’t be special, be one of us.’ Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you! I have a disease? [Expletive implying the previous statement wasn’t true]! I cured it with my brain, with my mind. I cured it, I’m done.”

On how he’s a High Priest Vatican Assassin Warlock: “Guys, it’s right there in the thing, duh! We work for the Pope, we murder people. We’re Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons [a term of endearment] in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes.”

On his own awesomeness: “I’m sorry, man, but I’ve got magic. I’ve got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time–and this includes naps –I’m an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.”

On Jefferson: “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a [expletive implying weakness]. But I dare anyone to debate me on things.”

Perhaps Sheen’s meltdown is at its most discomforting when, in feverishly rejecting his need for further help or recovery, he shows his desperate need for help and recovery. In passionately rejecting AA, he shows his desperate need for AA. In his refusal to accept grace, he shows his desperate need of grace. It is in his “health” that everybody else can see his sickness.

So, Mr. Sheen, all we can really do is leave you with that which you most despise: Step 1. “We admitted we were powerless… that our lives had become unmanageable…” Speaking from experience, this powerlessness is the only thing that gets you through the times when your F-18 crashes and your mind can’t find the cure. Maybe one day we can be your “gnarly gnarlingtons?”

The full interview is available online, but listening to the whole thing amounts to cynical enjoyment in another person’s vocational train wreck, which we don’t endorse at MBird. As DZ said in his previous post– we really hope CS finds he help he needs!

p.s. For a glimpse into the hyper-relevant Mockingbird publication Grace in Addiction: What the Church Can Learn from Alcoholics Anonymous, go here – if we had his address, we’d send him a copy (nudge nudge).