1. You’ve kept all your New Year’s Resolutions – since grade school.
  2. Your favorite verse in the Bible is “God helps those who help themselves.”
  3. Your Fortnite handle used to be “PelagiusRulz98” but you changed it to “PhariC4life.”
  4. The twelve steps you value most are the ones you just logged on your Fitbit.
  5. Who you are online and who you are in person are identical.
  6. Your children are even more well-behaved at home than they are in public.
  7. You’re so secure in your justification that it wouldn’t even occur to you to atone for ransacking that Best Buy on Friday.
  8. You’re suspicious of all socially conscious hashtags, especially those that seem like the lovechild of Oprah Winfrey and Gavin Belson.
  9. You haven’t heard that Mockingbird has to close a pretty significant gap before year’s end (what with all the scholarships and free stuff we give away) and could really use your help before we have to cut back.
  10. You resent reverse psychology, no matter how well-meaning or tongue-in-cheek.

Of course, if you absolutely MUST, you can click on the button below:



P.S. To get our (earnest) end of the year update and appeal, which goes out next week, be sure to sign up for our mailing list.