For the past two-plus years, we’ve relied on the Babylon Bee for good, fresh humor that speaks to the unique…comedy of the Christian life. Here’s an excerpt from their book, How to Be a Perfect Christian: Your Comprehensive Guide to Flawless Spiritual Living. This, from “Chapter Five: Looking Really Spiritual Online.”
It begins with an epigraph:
“If a man reads his Bible but fails to post pictures of it on the Internet, did it really happen?” – Chinese Proverb, circa 2500 BC
…to begin to revitalize your prayer life, you need to learn the biblical practice of posting pictures of yourself during your quiet times with Jesus to every social media channel available. A recent study found a strong correlation between publishing pictures of one’s personal devotions and a vibrant spiritual life. Those who posted several dozen pictures per devotional time were found to be 428 percent holier than those who rarely or never posted pictures of themselves next to an open Bible and a hot cup of coffee.
If you really desire to be perfect, it’s time to get posting.
But not just any lame snapshot will do. You want an attention-grabbing photo. You want your quiet time to go viral. Luckily, you’re reading a book written by experts. For high-quality spiritual pictures of your open Bible, just remember the acronym CHAFF.
C – Coffee: Make sure you get a cup of tasty joe in your picture. True Christians study the Word of God with a mug of artisan, fair-trade, non-GMO, gluten-free, cage-free, nonalcoholic coffee. Taking the picture while at a coffee shop even shows that you don’t care if the world knows you’re a Jesus freak! Bonus points, baby!
H – Hashtags: Hashtag that sucker for maximum reach. We recommend hashtags like #blessed, #amen, #holy, #iambetterthanyou, and #lookeveryoneimreadingmybible to ensure your personal time of communion with God through His Word goes viral.
A – Audience: Don’t forget that you’re doing this for an audience of one million. Share that picture on all your social networks, not just one. And if you don’t get a boatload of engagement and attention the first time, don’t be afraid to repeat it throughout the day. You could even tag some big-name Christian celebrities and pray to the Lord above that one of them retweets it for maximum exposure. Best-case scenario: your artsy picture of your communion with the Lord Most High gets spotted by Ellen, and you get to appear on a daytime talk show!
F – Filter: A plain-Jane picture of an open Bible never got anyone on the express lane to heaven. You need to use filters to make the image appear deep and spiritual. Apply an authentic vintage look, and you can be sure you’ll get a like from Jesus Himself.
F – Fat: As in the size of your Bible. Make sure to get the gold-embossed title on the spine in the picture, so everyone knows you read you MacArthur Study Bible regularly. Weather your Bible before the shot, too, to give it a worn, distressed look.
Posting pictures of yourself in deep fellowship with the Lord is just one way to grow in your faith online.
Another time-tested method is to get involved in bitter arguments with people from all faith traditions and backgrounds every day.
It’s well known that the majority of converts to Christianity came to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior after a Christian friend went nuclear on them online. Psychology experts believe that the more you use derogatory terms to refer to other religions and nonbelievers, the more attractive your belief system appears. It may not make sense when you first think about it, but trust us, it’s science.
So make sure not to let a single post that contains an opinion even slightly different from your own pass you by.
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2 responses to “How to Make Your Morning Devotion Go Viral (from the Babylon Bee)”
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‘The Bee’ strikes again!!! And it’s really painful.
OUCH.
Ftw!!