Watch out, this one’s a little deeper than they normally go, ht CS.
MINNEAPOLIS—Fully aware of his numerous flaws and unappealing personal characteristics, local 33-year-old Phillip Morgan confided to reporters Wednesday that he found it a bit unsettling to imagine that the perfect woman for him is out there somewhere.
Morgan, a sales manager with little upward mobility in his job who has lived in the same sparsely furnished apartment for six years, said it troubled him to contemplate the theoretical existence of a woman so well-suited to him she would actually appreciate him the way he is, and ultimately want to live with him and become part of his life.
“I can definitely see how someone might be willing to put up with me, but the idea of a woman who absolutely loves everything about me—that’s a little alarming,” said Morgan, whose perfect match would presumably both accept and value the fact that he only owns two good pairs of work pants that he alternates throughout the week. “What kind of person would be romantically attracted to the type of guy who routinely falls asleep for the night on his living room futon, often with the television on and a Styrofoam takeout container in front of him?”…
“Seriously, what sane woman wouldn’t try to change me at least a little bit?” said Morgan, mentioning that he often goes the entire weekend without leaving his apartment and doesn’t know how to cook a single thing besides eggs. “That would just be bizarre. We’re talking about someone who looks at a guy and says, ‘I am deeply in love with this man who consistently uses paper towels in place of plates, and I want to wake up each morning with him beneath sheets that obviously haven’t been changed in months.’”
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